I went back to school when I was 30 years old. My goal was a Master of Music degree, but I had some undergrad catching up to do first. I spent a year blazing through music history, advanced music theory and German, did a kick-ass audition for the highly competitive graduate conducting program, and got in. I had experience as a singer, but none as a conductor. I was psyched. I had found my niche, and a fabulous mentor.
One of the other 7 students in my program was Hither. Ok, her name was Heather, but she came from Australia, so Hither she was to me. Hither had professional experience as a conductor.....she had taught in a boys' school in Melbourne. Hither came to the U.S. to
steal our scholarship money and jobs work with my mentor specifically. And she was the golden girl. We were all reminded of this on a regular basis. Hither had a great deal of contempt for me....fat, husbandless, no experience. She snapped up prestigious graduate assistantships while I worked in the choral library. Hey, I LOVED working in the choral library! I overheard her one day while I was working in the back say sorrowfully "Jill just hasn't got what it takes. And she can't even conduct well because she's so fat....her arms don't even reach around in front of her!" Now granted, there are people who are so inherently musical that they fart three-part harmony complete with dynamics and counterpoint. I am not one of those people. I have to work very hard at my music. But the big secret is.....Hither wasn't one of those people, either. She often wore a stunted, constipated deer-in-the-headlights look while our mentor critiqued her performance in conducting class. The fact of the matter was, we were all of above-average ability....we'd have to be just to get into the program. And we all had individual strengths and weaknesses to work on. Except Hither. Hither was far superior to the rest of us.
Hither and I also sang in the prestigious small choir at my conservatory, which was the choir in residence at the Piccolo Spoleto Festival in Charleston, SC. As such, we got to perform as the chorus in an opera. We went down early for rehearsals. Hither was, of course, given the position of choir manager, meaning she didn't have to share a dorm room and got paid more than the rest of us. Rehearsals were a blast. We were playing a group of Czechoslovakian peasants in a real downer of an opera, with lots of stage time. I was chatting with the directors one day, when one asked if I had previous stage experience. Yes, I replied. I knew it, one of them said, you're the only one who knows how to move on stage. Hither overheard this and was incensed. She redoubled her efforts to be front and center. "I just LOVE acting!" she'd trill, as she stood outside the light with her back to the audience. Oh Hither.
The directors decided that one women's chorus should be a small group rather than all of us. After struggling to learn Czech, we were more than a little miffed. Hither was consulted as to who the lucky 8 should be. She and her friends were all included, of course. I wasn't. We were all extremely jealous of their costumes. While we stood in dark wools and shawls, the lucky octet bounced out in bright folk costumes, with the most amazing wigs.....long braids, matched exactly to their hair color! They were gorgeous! During dress rehearsals, Hither would have a diva fit every time the dressers came to help her with her wig. It wasn't on securely enough, they didn't know what they were doing, oh just give me the bobby pins, I'll do it myself! The dressers, pissed off beyond belief, left her to her own devices. One word of advice....never piss off the dressers.
Opening night came, and the performance was going swimmingly. We got to Act Three, and all of us peasants stood upstage, waiting for the octet to skip out for their big moment. In a flurry of color they ran onto the stage, where Hither misjudged the steepness of the rake, slipped, and tumbled ass over tit, flashing her bloomers for all to see as her wig fell off. The orchestra blared, the choristers gasped, the octet sang, the audience roared with laughter.
And boy did I smile.
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